dadario:

the fact that Love Simon’s tag lines are “he’s done keeping his story straight” and “coming out 2018” like….. they get us… bad puns are gay culture and they know that

semitics:

brucespringsteen:

I’m SCREAMING this girl just asked if I’m doing anything this weekend bc we could hang out and this dude was like “I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING” and she said “sorry I have a family thing all weekend I can’t get out of :/” and turned back to me and proceeded to make plans with me in front of him this is the “*visibly texting* I don’t have a phone” meme on crack

This is lesbianism

vivilevone:

beachdeath:

the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.

@iwriteshakespeareanninsults

intranet:

gnarlykickflip:

intranet:

They deserve more respect from the general public…

who?

The retail worker reading this

orangemoth:

thebibliosphere:

gallusrostromegalus:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

The veil is thin here. It’s thin everywhere. Of course it’s fucking thin. Who ever heard of a thick veil? That shit’s lightweight, even sheer.

Like, shit, Agatha. There’s a reason they don’t call it “the down comforter between worlds”.

The Floral Shower Curtain Between Worlds.
The Upholstery Between Worlds.
The Plastic Tablecloth Between Worlds.
The Velour Between Worlds.
The Cheesecloth Between Worlds.
The Spandex Bodysuit Between Worlds

And here we have my next series of mini novel titles.

bufordtannen:

mikkeneko:

pitbullmabari:

goldengeode:

pitbullmabari:

pitbullmabari:

da2 is what happens when you get a bunch of dnd characters and then don’t really give them a campaign you just toss them into a city to live there and have Shenanigans. 

“I’m playing a elven blood mage.” “yeah, okay, what’s she doing in a human city?” “research.”

“I’m playing a dwarven bard.” “….and?” “just a dwarven bard.” “is he, like, a spy, a wandering adventure, what? why’s he away from the mountain?” “fuck if i know.”

“My character is a cleric to the god of justice who’s become disillusioned with the established orders of priests and wants to destroy them and start again. His name is Anders.” “Is he from the anderfels?” “No, of course not. He’s Ferelden.”

“My character is an elf. His name is Fenris.”
“Okay… is he a mage? Does he like… transform into a wolf?”
“No, he’s a warrior! He USED to be a slave to a mage, and as a result hates all magic.”
“Fine. Roll for strength.”
“He can use magic to rip people’s hearts out.”
“What.”
“His owner put magic ore in his veins and now he can use a magic punch.”
“…”
“…”
“Why would he-”
“Also he’s in love with a mage.”

“Is hawke hot?”

“Oh, Hawke is super hot.”

[rolls a charisma saving throw against the hot mage and fails] “SHIT”

Meanwhile Aveline’s just over here gritting her teeth because she spent three hours on her backstory carefully crafted to intertwine with the recent game lore (Ostagar) and her tragic dead husband (Wesley) and nobody else even seems interested

“My character is a dual-wielding rogue and also a sexy pirate.”
“Okay, that’s just fine. Well, the party is going into the Qunari compound and-”
“Oh, she’s not going in there.”
“Why not?”
“She has… something else to do.”
“Like what.”
“something, bye.”

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

cakesoup:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

kingoftheunderground:

I work at a coffee shop and have gotten all my co-workers to start calling lattes “hot milkybois”

I also got everyone to refer to the salted caramel blended drink as “the big salty” and I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments

Oh yeah and any time someone orders a hazelnut latte with almond milk (which specifically is a weirdly popular drink) I say “one HOT NUT latte coming right up!”

My coworkers have not latched on to this one like they did with the others for some reason.

I forgot to mention I also pronounce “hot chocolate” like “hot cocklate”… because I’m awful.

please give us updates

Our largest drink size is affectionately referred to as “Texas Size” so sometimes when I hand it out in the drive-thru I like to say, “Here’s that TEXAS SIZE [drink] for ya, YEEEEHAW!”

And some people look at me as though I have just made their entire day while others look like they they could not possibly get away from me soon enough. Both reactions are equally satisfying. 

I made this into a game except when I hand out the Texas-size drinks I say “Can I get a YEEHAW?” And the guests always look mortified but occasionally one of them will let out a terrified “yeehaw” and all my coworkers cheer and then we keep a running tally of how many yeehaws we each get on the back of a pastry bag.